


I Hear You Loving Me

by Yleisnotonfire



Series: Cursed Love [1]
Category: SEVENTEEN (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Angst, Angst and Tragedy, Brace yourselves, Drama & Romance, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Heavy Angst, How Do I Tag, Little Bit Crack, M/M, Suicidal Thoughts, side jeongcheol, side junhao, side meanie, side seoksoo - Freeform, side verkwan - Freeform, the others are mentioned and don't know if they'll appear
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-14
Updated: 2018-09-14
Packaged: 2019-06-10 04:04:47
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Major Character Death
Chapters: 10
Words: 14,678
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15283215
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Yleisnotonfire/pseuds/Yleisnotonfire
Summary: In the years between your 18th and 20th birthday, you're destined to find your soulmate.However, Soonyoung is 22 and he still hasn't found his.Is his soulmate dead? Is he bound to be alone?Everything gets even more complicated once he goes out on a rainy day and he bumps into someone, whom he can't see.What exactly it's happening to him?





	1. See you! (as if!)

**Author's Note:**

> Hello everyone!  
> This is my first chaptered au ever and I'm so nervous about it! I hope I don't mess it up along the way!  
> Thanks to my editor Hidden and my bestfriend Robs who made this possible! 
> 
> Cross-posted on Twitter

They say you start loving someone at first sight or because you keep looking at this someone and eventually fall. What happens when you can't see the person you love?  
No, I wasn’t and I was never blind, so you must asking yourself: how this can be possible? Well, let me tell you my story.

 

 

 

 

Today was a shitty day and if that wasn't enough, it started pouring down and I don't have my umbrella with me. My house is still far away and I could take the bus or a taxi, but I forgot my wallet at home and the only money I had on me was spent on food. In my mind, I curse Jun as he asked me to buy something to eat later tonight. It's not entirely his fault though. I keep on forgetting things these days to the point that my friends told me, " _Luckily you have your head glued on your body or else you would forget that too._ " I'm aware of this bad habit I picked up, but I can't help it!   
Well, it's better saying that I can't seem to be able to avoid the hurtful loop of thoughts that have been haunting me for the past few weeks, all of them revolving around one person: my soulmate.

You may not know but we live in a world where every one of us is destined to find our half with whom we will live happily ever after for the rest of our lives.   
All of my friends found theirs except Chan, who is still not the age to find his soulmate. Usually, it's said that you find your soulmate in two years time after your 18th birthday and it was like that for all of my friends: Seungcheol found Jeonghan, Seokmin found Jisoo, Jun found Minghao, Wonwoo found Mingyu, and Seungkwan found Vernon. At this point, you may be mumbling to yourselves that I'm just being dramatic and that I need to wait for my person until my 20th birthday. Yeah, the only problem is that I turned 22 a couple of weeks ago and I still haven’t met my soulmate.   
Up until my birthday the thought of my other half rarely crossed my mind as I tried to keep myself busy with dancing and as many part-time jobs as possible. However, ever since the loop started I thought that maybe I must stay alone, never knowing how warm it feels being hugged and loved by the person I'm bound to for eternity. I say eternity because some people say that you keep falling in love with the same person even in your next life because there's a string that keeps you tied to your lover.

 

Maybe life despises me and that would explain why it's being cruel to me. Why it decided to pick on me, the person that perhaps needs to be loved the most, that needs to have someone by his side to comfort him. It's difficult to bear the weight of the entire world on my shoulders and here I am, alone, without someone to share it with or stay just to support me. By now, I should've learnt that nothing in this world goes as we would like to. Fate rules our lives and we're just mere pawns in a game we can't fully understand and from which none of us will get out of as a winner.  
Almost as if to prove my point, life mocks me again as I bump into someone while I'm too busy in my train of thought. Uh? Wait, I _definitely_ bumped into someone so where are they?

"Hey! Watch your step!"

_What?_ "Who speaks?"

"Sorry?"

"Why can I hear a voice but see nobody?"

"Are you mocking me because I'm short? The audacity!"

"No, I'm serious. I can't see you. Are you perhaps a ghost?"

"Ghost my ass, idiot."

"Then why can't I see you?"

"Are you damn serious?"

"Totally."

We keep talking, the rain pouring down, long forgotten as me and this boy (I assume by the voice that he's young despite being it so deep and masculine) are both bewitched with this entire situation. Suddenly, I felt a little pressure on my forearm.

"I'm right here, in front of you."

"And I still can't see you."

"Yeah, I've been noticing."

"How? Until a moment ago you didn't believe me!"

"I've been flipping you off before grabbing you and you didn't react at all."

I chuckle, "Do you flip off all the people you bump into on the street?"

"Actually, you're my first but don't feel so special about that!"

"And here I thought that I was already making my way into your heart… uh..." I pause as I realize I don't know the name of the person before me, or at least I still think he's before me.

"Jihoon. Lee Jihoon."

"Oh, well, I'm Kwon Soonyoung."

Instinctively, I extend my hand after introducing myself but I'm not sure where to put it. Luckily he grabs my hand and shakes it. Then Jihoon giggles.

"What?" I ask, curious.  

"It's nothing… it's just strange talking like this to a person I've bumped into. Usually, the conversation doesn't go beyond a simple ‘Sorry.’"

"Well at least you can see me."

"Right, that's not ordinary too."

"You can admire me in all of my beauty!"

"Idiot."

And we both start laughing. At this moment, I wish I could see him so bad, see the boy who made me laugh for the first time in a while. My phone suddenly buzzes and it's a text from Jun. 

**< I'm in front of your door. You have ten minutes to get your ass here before I knock your door down. I'm cold and I need food.>**

I would like to tell him to go fuck himself, but I know I can't. Jun has been sexiled by his roommate, Wonwoo, and he can't go to his soulmate as he's currently with his family in China. So now he has to crash at my place. As I reply to Jun, I notice that Jihoon has been silent. I lift my head, but I don't know if he's still here. The rain keeps pouring so maybe he's just left to avoid getting more wet.

"Don't worry, I'm still here."

"Oh, good! I have to leave now but I would like to get your number so we can _see_ each other again."

"As if it were possible for you."

"Well, we can start from there. We need to find out why I can't see you."

"I don't know about that but I know that you're missing out quite the show. I'm handsome too, you know?"

"Lee Jihoon, are you flirting with me?"

"Not at all, you idiot."

And just like that my phone gets snatched and I stare at it, shocked as it floats in the air while it's in what I think is Jihoon's hands.

"There you are."

"Cool, I'll text you later! Now, I have to run! _See_ you!"

"Again, as if!"

"Sorry, habits."

Like that, I sprint towards my house grinning widely, his laughter a sweet melody that tickles my ears.


	2. Smiling again

As I arrive at my apartment I find Jun sitting in front of my door. I go past him and open it and once we're inside, Jun plops on the couch. I put the bag with the food on the coffee table and go sit beside him.

"Man, where have you been?! I thought I was going to freeze to death." Says Jun while opening the lids of the Chinese food boxes.  


"It isn't even that cold Jun, stop whining."

"What a friend… wait. Is that a smile I see on your face? Did something happen?"

"Nah, it's just a beautiful day."

"Dude, it's raining cats and dogs and you have the audacity to say it's a beautiful day? I was suspicious before, but now I know for sure that something _DID_ happen. Spill the tea." He says with his mouth full of mini spring rolls.  


"Okay, listen." I say while putting down the chopsticks and the piece of sour and sweet pork I was going to eat. "It's something so weird you probably won't believe me."

"Let me listen first and then I'll tell you if I believe you or not."

"I was walking to come back home after buying _YOU_ food and I bumped into someone."

"Nothing weird about that, you're so clumsy it's something I saw coming." He says while attacking the box full of dumplings.  


"What a lovely friend. Let me finish though. I started looking around and I couldn't see anyone. Then I heard a voice. At first, I thought it was a ghost, but then it grabbed my arm and I knew he was a real person. We talked for about 15 minutes on the street, but I still couldn't see him."

Jun freezes, chopstick holding a dumpling still in midair. "You're tripping. Definitely. Did you take some drugs?"

"You know I don't do drugs."

"HOW CAN YOU NOT _SEE_ SOMEONE AND _TALK_ TO HIM?!"

"THAT'S WHAT I AM  _ TRYING _ TO FIGURE OUT WEN JUNHUI!"

"That's super weird, you know?"

"I know, but something about him felt just right. We should've freaked out about this whole thing but we were talking and laughing as if it was something that happens every day." I say with a smile plastered on my face as I think about that moment.  


"Are you sure he really exists?" Jun looks dead serious while asking that.  


"Yes. He also gave me his number, or rather I asked for it so we could meet again."

"Kwon Soonyoung, what do you want to do?"

"I just want to understand things and find a way to see him. He sounds interesting. Why do you think I can't see him?"

"I don't know, we still don't know if you're the only one who can't see him or if I can't see him too. But I have to admit that he has had quite an effect on you. You were so gloomy lately that I'm glad he made you smile again. However, be careful." Jun sighs and then starts eating again.  


"About what?"

"I haven't seen him, so there's still a chance he's a ghost but he doesn't know he's one. You have his number, text him. I want to see if he's real."

"What? I can't just text him!"

"Why not?"

"I don't know what to say." I say, maybe blushing, while fiddling with the hem of my hoodie.  


"Ask him if he found something about this thing."

"Isn't it rude?"

"No, it's not. Maybe he wants to understand too."

"Okay, I'll text him."

And so I take my phone to text a simple **< is this Jihoon's number?> **and make small talk before getting to the point. The phone now lays on the coffee table in front of us, waiting for a reply.


	3. Jihoonie

We didn't have to wait long. A notification appeared on my phone screen and we both jumped from the couch due to the sudden noise of the incoming text.

**< Yes. I guess you are Soonyoung.>**

I turn towards Jun after reading the message. "It's him! See? He's real!"

Jun just rolls his eyes. "What if ghosts can send messages?"

"Are you being serious?"

"You never know! As humanity evolves, ghosts can evolve too."

"You need help."

"Says the one who claims to have spoken to a person he can't see. At least  _ I’m _ being reasonable, what proof do you have to prove your point, Kwon?"

"Touchè."

I giggle as I reply to Jihoon.

**< Yeah>**

**< it's me>**

**< How have you been?>**

**< Same as a few minutes ago. Still stunned about what happened.>**

After reading his answer, I facepalm.

"What did you do?"

"I just asked him how he has been even though I saw him a while ago."

"Wow, Kwon, you sure do know how to start a conversation." Says Jun, smirking and with a mocking tone.

"Well if you know how to smoothly talk to him, _enlighten_ me!"

I shouldn't have said that.

Jun takes the phone from my hands and focuses on typing something quite long I should say. When he finishes, he presses send and hands my phone back to me. I look at him, reading the message he sent.

**< Hi, Jihoon! I'm Jun, Soonyoung's friend. First of all, I'm sorry for my friends' social skills. He's not a smooth talker and he's an idiot and awkward too, so don't mind him and his questions. Second, he told me about your strange meeting and I'm seriously worried that you may be a ghost (well, an evolved one) since he said he can't see you. I don't know if you have already found something about this, but I have an idea. Why don't you send a selca? This way we know if it's only Soonyoung who can't see you or me too.>**

"You could've skipped the part about the ghost, but that was a pretty smart idea."

"So you don't deny that you're an idiot and awkward."

"WHAT?! I DIDN'T READ THAT! MOON JUNHUI YOU'RE DEAD! NOW WHAT WILL HE THIN—"

_ Ding!  _ A text arrives and there's an image attached to it.

**< Hi Jun! Yeah, he's not a pretty smooth talker over text but he's a flirty one in person hahaha. By the way, I still haven't had time to do some research, so in the meantime, it wouldn't hurt trying the selca. What if you can't see me too? Am I really a new kind of ghost? Hahaha.>**

I read the text aloud and Jun looks at me, giggling. "He's cool! I don't care if he's a ghost or not but I want him to be my friend! We can roast you all day long! Wait. Did you really flirt with him?"

"Well, I might have said something about my beauty, but I wasn't the only one! Now, focus! I'm going to download the photo."

With trembling hands, I click the download button and as it is loads, my hearts starts beating faster. The loading ends, but I can't see anything. The photo is completely black. I close it and open it again thinking there's something wrong with the image, but then Jun speaks.

"Wow. Just, WOW. He's real. I can see him."

"You do?"

"Yes! You still can't see him? Not even in photos?"

"Apparently, no..."

"I hope you will see him soon. He has the looks."

"Huh?"

"He's just your type, Kwon. He's manly but there's something that makes him look cute. Maybe it's the dimples?"

"D-dimples? He has _dimples_?"

"Yes, my friend, I know how much you love them."

"I need to see him."

"One day you will, don't worry. I'll help you with that. As for now, just answer him."

"You're right, I have to see if he's got another idea."

"Well, know that I'm going to sleep and leaving you two alone. I need to get up early tomorrow and pick up Minghao at the airport. Good night, Kwon."

"Night, Junjun!"

Jun gets up from the couch and goes towards my room. When he sleeps over here, I usually let him sleep on my bed while I sleep on the couch as it's just for a night anyway.

I lie on the couch in a more comfortable position and open Jihoon's chat. He has a music sheet as profile image. He must be into music.

**< I don't know if you will like this news or not>**

**< however>**

**< you're not a ghost.**

**< Jun can see you.>**

**< As for me>**

**< the photo is pitch black.>**

**< Nooo, I was already used to the idea of being a ghost. You crushed all of my dreams of scaring people and spying on them.>**

**< I didn't know>**

**< you were one of those...>**

**< One of what?>**

**< A perv.>**

**< Why do you need to spy on people?>**

**< I don't. However, now that I know that you can't see me, I’ll do it to you. Close all the doors and windows at home and beware of your surroundings~~>**

**< You're starting sounding creepy>**

**< you know?>**

**< I was joking.... or not?>**

**< Oh>**

**< my>**

**< god>**

**< stop!>**

**< I know you want to check me out>**

**< but at least do it when I know you're here.>**

**< Who said I wanted to check you out?>**

**< It was obvious>**

**< from you talking about spying on me!>**

**< Idiot.>**

**< Aww>**

**< don't be mad>**

**< Jihoonie!>**

**< What? Jihoonie? You know I may be older than you?>**

**< I'm 22.> **

**< 15 June 1996.>**

**< I'm 22 too but I was born on the 22nd of November.>**

**< See?>**

**< You're younger>**

**< plus>**

**< my friend said you are cute>**

**< so>**

**< I'm going to call you Jihoonie.>**

**< I'm not cute and no you can't even though you're older.>**

**< You're going to break my heart like this>**

**< Jihoonie...>**

**< Stop.>**

**< I bet> **

**< you're blushing now.>**

**< No, I'm not.>**

**< Then>**

**< I can>**

**< keep on>**

**< calling you this way!>**

**< Don't.>**

**< Jihoonie.>**

**< Jihoonie.>**

**< Jihoonie.>**

**< Jihoooooonieeeeee.>**

**< Gosh, you're so annoying. Fine! Call me whatever you want to. Happy now?>**

**< Yes!> **

**< I'm so happy!>**

**< Good for you. Now go to sleep. It's late.>**

**< Aww>**

**< Jihoonie>**

**< are you>**

**< already worried about me?>**

**< No, I'm not. It's late for me too and I would much like to get some sleep, so go away.>**

**< Hahaha> **

**< okay, okay.> **

**< rest well> **

**< and dream of me>**

**< Jihoonie!>**

**< Talk to you tomorrow!>**

**< If I see you in my dreams, it will be a nightmare. Night.>**

I smile reading his last text. Who would’ve known that something so unusual and unexpected could turn into something so nice and warm? Yeah, I feel somewhat _warm_ from the conversation and it's so easy talking to him. Usually, I need to be careful of what I say with people I've just met, but with him it's different. I can be _myself_ and feel free to say whatever I have on mind. I feel like we're going to be _great_ friends!


	4. I really want to see you

Three months have passed since I met Jihoon and I’ve never been _so happy_ in my life. It was as if we had been friends since forever.

We immediately clicked and soon we grew fond of each other. We talk about everything and we've found out a lot about the other. I asked Jihoon about his profile picture and he told me he found out about his passion for music when he was still in middle school but he thought that it was a temporary thing since he didn't like things for too long. However, when he was in high school, he found out music was really his life and started producing some songs. He wasn't confident about his pieces and nobody was allowed to listen to them until one day his best friend walked into his room and listened to one of his songs. He encouraged him to upload the piece on YouTube or send it to a music company because a piece like that could not be left unheard. He's still glad his best friend did that or else he wouldn’t be working at Pledis Entertainment and be this happy that his job is something he actually likes doing. 

Since he first entered the company, he wrote a lot of hit songs and I even knew many of them. He's really talented and I keep telling him that but he underestimates himself. He feels so much pressure when writing a new piece for a singer or a group because he feels as if the song flops it would be his fault. I know him well enough to say that if something like that really happens, he will never trust himself again and his talent will be wasted. I told him that he doesn't have to think like this since he's really great and if the song really would flop it would be the singer's fault for not singing it with his or her soul and the right emotion. I expected him to hit me but he giggled and I was happy he found it funny.

I told him about my passion for dancing and how I'm helping my friend Jun with his studio. He knows that one day I would like to buy my own studio or be a famous choreographer but I don't have enough money or confidence to do that so, for the time being, I'm happy with that. He’s watched me dance many times, and I wished I could see his expression while he watched me, to see if he really liked it, if he was bored, if he had his mouth slightly open, or if he had creases on his forehead because he's focused on the dance.

Once we talked about our hometowns. He kept talking about how beautiful Busan was and how we should definitely go there together to watch the sun setting into the sea. From that, he told me about his boyfriend from his high school days. Daniel was his name and he was the same age as Jihoon. They were so happy together and they even believed they were soulmates. He was so sad when it turned out they were not. Apparently, Daniel found his soulmate six months after his 18th birthday. Jihoon said that they were at the beach, he was on the shore while Daniel was swimming. Suddenly, Daniel got a cramp in his leg and started drowning. He was so shocked he couldn't move but luckily a guy dived in as soon as he heard Daniel yelling in pain. Said guy grabbed Daniel and brought him to the shore, the latter senseless, so the guy started performing CPR. After what it felt like hours, Daniel coughed out all the water that went to his lungs and opened his eyes. At that moment Jihoon saw it. He saw how Daniel's eyes started shining while looking at his saviour. His mother had described to him so many times the look his father had when he saw her that he could tell right away that Daniel had found his soulmate just when he was about to lose his life. Since then, things started taking a turn for the worse for the both of them. They argued every day, yelling cruel words they didn't even mean to each other until Jihoon decided it was better to cut Daniel's ties to him. He knew he wasn't the right person for him, so why keep getting hurt trying to save a relationship that can't be saved? After that, he only had some flings but never something as earnest as what he lost on that summer day.

I listened to his story and I was wondering if his expression matched his sad, melancholic voice. This story scarred him and it made me so angry because someone as wonderful as him didn’t deserve to suffer like that. He then asked me to tell my story. I told him how I never dated anyone because I was waiting for my soulmate, who never came. Saying it out loud made me realise how pathetic my life was. Tears started streaming down my face and I noticed them only when Jihoon wiped them away. God, I wish I was the one who couldn't be seen, I didn't want him to see me this way. I started crying again, harder than before, the words "I'm stupid," said like a mantra. Then I felt his hand stroking my back and he said these exact words: "If you're stupid because you believed in something that should be given to all of us, then I'm stupid too. You're not the only one without a soulmate, Soonyoung. I haven't found mine too."

Maybe it was his touch, his words, or even just his presence, I don't exactly know what it was but I stopped crying and suddenly felt as if the sadness was being replaced with warmth, the one I always feel when I'm by his side… Wait. It may be a sudden thought but what if? What if this is what I should be feeling towards my soulmate? What if Jihoon is actually my soulmate? Without thinking about it twice, I asked him, "Jihoon, why do you think we met?".

His hand stopped stroking my back and he didn't talk for a while. I thought I had fucked up and I was about to tell him that I was joking when he said, "It was fate, that's for sure. We were meant to meet."

"If so, then why I can't see you?"

"I don't know, maybe that's for us to find out."

I turn towards where he’s sitting. "How?"

I could feel him take his hand off of my back and shifting. He sighed, took my hand and answered, "I wish I knew but I don't. It's something that doesn't happen every day so it may be hard to find out the truth but I know how persistent you are and I'm sure that together we can find a way out of this."

I squeezed his hand as he was speaking, afraid he might really disappear and said, "I really want to see you, Jihoonie."

"And I want you to see me too. So you could see my glare when you try to flirt with me with your stupid, cheesy pick-up lines."

"Hey! They're not stupid! Plus, you laugh when I use them on you!"

We started laughing and I never felt better in my life. It was at that moment I knew, I _REALLY_ had to do anything to see him.


	5. You bloom inside of me

Two weeks have passed since that talk between us.

Jihoon has been busy with work, so in the meantime, I've started making a list of methods to see him that we will try when he's free again. Some of them were suggested by Jun, so I don’t know if they will be helpful at all.

While doing research at the library and on the Internet, I realized that I’d never been so passionate about something in my life. Of course, I was and still am passionate about dancing, but this was different. This was about being able to see my potential soulmate. I'm not one hundred percent sure, but something tells me Jihoon is the one, I can feel it in my bones. However, it’s just a theory, and I don't have anything to prove it... yet.

The answer I was looking for arrived sooner than I thought. I was at the café I work as a part-timer. My shift had already ended but I stayed there with the guys, but I couldn't seem to focus on the conversation and the banter that was going on between them. My only thought was Jihoon.  _ Is he resting? Is he eating well? What if he overworks himself and gets a nosebleed? I wonder how he looks while working... _

My mind was only brought back to Earth when Jun elbowed me and asked if I was okay. I sighed, noticing how everyone was looking at me, waiting for an answer. When I finally spoke it was something that they didn't expect at all, “Guys, how did you meet your soulmate?”

They froze for a second, not sure what to say and waiting to see if I was being serious about my question. When they saw how I looked at them, with eyes full of hope, they regained their composure and told me it was quite an ordinary meeting after all. Seungcheol and Jeonghan met while the latter was shopping at the convenience store near his school, where the former worked part-time. Since that day, Jeonghan went to that store every day just to talk and flirt with Seungcheol. Jisoo and Seokmin got closer during school through the singing club, in which they had to perform a duet for one of the shows. They had a lot in common and had crushes on each other, but they were shy so they couldn't confess their love for one another. They eventually ended up together later on when they found out they were soulmates.

Jun, being true to his clumsy and embarrassing self, thought Minghao was one of his friends from China and bothered him with thousands of questions until he realized Minghao was not his old friend. However, and I'm still asking how, Minghao thought he was cute and they became really close. Mingyu and Wonwoo met in the most cliché, film-like way. They were in the library looking for a book they had to use for an assignment and when they found the book they happened to grab it at the same time. Hands touched, eyes met, and  _ POOF! _ The love sparked between those two, and it grew as they kept meeting, using the research and study sessions as an excuse.

Finally, Vernon and Seungkwan met on a plane headed for Jeju. Vernon needed some time alone, far away from the chaos of Seoul, and decided to go to the said island for a short trip. Beside him sat Seungkwan, who was going back to his native town to visit his parents. He went to Seoul to pursue his career as a singer, so he was far away from home. As Seungkwan is a friendly and talkative person, he started a conversation with Vernon. Even after the flight, they spent a lot of time together in Jeju and made memories together, until the spark ignited the fire of love.

Then I asked them, “How did you know that the person standing before you was the one?” They all answered in a similar way, saying it wasn’t something easy to describe. Everyone but Jeonghan, whose answer was really striking. He said love is something like a flower. When you see them for the first time, they plant the flower seed in your heart. As you keep seeing and meeting them, you water the flower and it grows. Then you have to wait a while so it can bloom. It's not something that you can foresee as it blooms on its own. Actually, you won’t even notice it at first, but you’ll suddenly feel it there. A full bloomed flower inside your heart, ready to be picked up by its rightful owner who took care of it and brought it up.

In other words, you don't know for sure at first sight because there isn't anything about that person that screams, "Hey, I'm your soulmate!" But you just feel that he/she’s the right one, that they’ll be the one who will make you feel loved and complete. They’re like the paint to your brush, the flower to your garden, the music to your dance, the moon to your night sky.

After talking with the guys, I stood up from my seat without saying anything. They looked at me confused. Some of them asked me where I was going while the others told me to stay a little bit longer. I looked at them smiling and, while walking out of the café, I said, "Thank you, guys. You don't know how much you've helped me today. Now I have to go, I think my flower is starting to bloom.”


	6. The List

Jihoon spent a whole week closed in his studio. Luckily, I decided to call the delivery man to bring him food or else he would have starved to death. Not to mention that I somehow convinced him to take short power-naps.

"Jihoonie, trust me, they're better than any energy drink. Only 20 minutes and you’ll feel as if you've just woken up from 8 hours sleep." I said over the phone and he trusted me. Later, when he woke up, he started working again as if there was no tomorrow but didn't forget to send a text:  **< I'm glad I listened to you.>**

He's a real workaholic and easily gets exhausted even if he keeps saying that because he loves making music he doesn't really feel tired.

Now he has finally finished all the songs he needed to make and handed them over to his assistant so that the idols could start recording. He's a free man! I made sure he rested at least two days before meeting up at his apartment. We decided to meet there as he was still a little bit tired and he could comfortably sleep if he wanted to as it was his house.

That's why I’m now in front of his door. I fidget with my fingers as I try to decide to ring the bell or not. I'm a little bit nervous because today may be the day I finally stop being "blind.” Last night I pictured the scene hundreds and hundreds of times in my head as I couldn't fall asleep. I imagined his height, his face, and his eyes. Would they be the ocean eyes I always thought them to be? When I say ocean eyes, I don't mean blue eyes like everyone would definitely think. I mean deep eyes, full of strong emotions. Eyes that tried to mask all the hurt and turmoil he has been through these past years. Eyes that told his story, that would scream for love and affection. Eyes that I could find easy to read because of our bond.

But what if his eyes will be the opposite of what I think? What if they lack all the emotions I was told was supposed to be in your soulmate’s gaze when you first meet their eyes? This is what scares me the most because it will mean that he was by my side out of pity or curiosity, not because he enjoyed being with me or because he too thought we could be soulmates. I would end up even more hurt than before.

I sigh and, without thinking, bump my head on the door. Maybe I've done it a couple of times and Jihoon must've heard me as the door suddenly opens slightly. Even though I can't see him, I can feel his presence and smell his familiar strawberry scent.

"Why didn't you ring the bell?" Jihoon says, this time completely opening the door.

"I wanted to knock, knock, knock, knock, knock on your door~"

"Idiot. Don't stay there and come in." Jihoon tries to cover up his giggle by coughing.

I toe my shoes off and enter Jihoon’s house. It’s a lot smaller and cleaner than I thought.

"I know what you may be thinking. Yes, I barely stay here. That's why it looks like this."

His statement brings out the nagging side of me. "Jihoonie, you should spend less time in your studio and rest a little bit more. I know you love your work and you have deadlines for your songs but if you overwork yourself you'll feel sick and that would be worse than ‘wasting’ a little bit of time to eat and rest properly."

"Yes, mom. I will consider it. And stop calling me Jihoonie."

"You've agreed to this, so accept it," I say while plopping down on his couch.

"Only because you were so annoying."

"I wasn't annoying you."

"You are annoying me right now."

"But you love me, I know it~"

"No, I don't. So are we doing what you came here for or not?"

"Wow Jihoonie, I didn't think you were this straightforward. By the way, you don't need to rush cause you can touch me all you want."

"W-what? I was t-talking about the l-list y-y-you were talking about over the phone!"

"I know. I was messing with you. You don't need to be this embarrassed~!"

"I hate you."

"Again, you don't. You love me."

"You wish."

I avert my eyes from where his voice was coming from, finding the hem of my hoodie more interesting.

After a moment of silence, I feel Jihoon sitting on the couch next to me.

"Okay, so what's on the list?"

I lift my head and turn with my body towards him. "I couldn't find a lot since it isn't something that frequently happens, but Jun gave some ideas too."

"Let's try them."

We spent the next hours trying out things on the list. First, there was the ghost method. After talking about Jihoon possibly being a ghost, Jun had the I-won't-say brilliant idea of throwing a blanket over him. Jihoon did it and I could see his silhouette. I knew he was short, but not that short!

"You are bite-sized."

"Take back what you said."

"I won't because it's true!"

"Kwon, start running. You're a dead man."

"Between you and me, you are the one looking like a ghost."

"And I can be a deadly one!"

I saw the blanket moving and Jihoon sprinted towards me. I ran as fast as I could, laughing like crazy, trying to avoid getting caught. When he wasn't paying attention to me, I ambushed him and caught him from behind. Shocked, Jihoon stumbled and we both fell on the ground. He started laughing too, and I wished he would never stop. It was like when you want your favourite song to be on replay forever because you know you will never be sick of it.

The second one was also Jun's idea. Damn him and the fantasy novels he always reads. He now had the idea that Jihoon could be a vampire but in reverse. What he meant is that usually vampires can be seen in the flesh but they have no reflection when in front of a mirror. He thought that Jihoon could not be seen in the flesh, but maybe in the mirror. Jihoon sounded done with Jun (honestly, I was too) but gave it a shot anyway. Here he was, standing in front of his mirror. However, as expected, it didn't work.

We kept trying and trying, I even poured a whole bag of flour over Jihoon, but it didn't work. I could see his silhouette but his face had no features. It's was like looking at Slender Man (I better not say that to Jun or else he would start annoying us with another theory.)

It's 11 PM when we decide it's time to give up. Jihoon comes into the living room after showering.

"Thanks to you, I will have flour stuck on me for days."

"You could've said no."

"You insisted and said it could be a good idea but it clearly wasn't."

"At least we now know to what extent I can see you under certain circumstances."

"Yeah. It was worth trying." Jihoon plops himself on the couch again.

"I won't give up, though. I'll keep searching for the right method!"

"Eager to see my body? It's a pity you can't see it now."

"What do you mean? Are you not wearing any clothes?"

"What if I wasn't?"

"Yah! Don't take advantage of the fact I can't see you to walk around naked."

"It's my house after all! Wait... are you blushing?"

"No, I'm not," I say, cupping my cheeks to hide the red on my face. It's starting getting hot in here.

"And you say I'm the pervy one. What were you thinking in that dirty little mind?"

"N-nothing!"

"Liar. By the way, I was joking. It's too cold to wander around naked."

"Want me to warm you?" I regain my confidence, now I'm the one holding the knife.

"Go away, Kwon."

"Awww~! So now it’s my Jihoonie who's flustered, hm?"

"My Jihoonie? You're going beyond your boundaries." Says Jihoon while covering himself with the blanket. I can now outline his body up until his shoulders. "And I'm not flustered."

"Yeah, yeah sure. You cannot resist my charm, admit it."

"If you say so."

And just like that, we fall into a comfortable silence. It's always like this with him. We start bickering over nothing, pretending to be annoyed at each other but actually enjoying each other’s presence. As I think about tonight, the worries I had before coming here disappear one by one. At least I know he's not with me out of pity. He can deny it and be a little tsundere but he likes having me around, I can tell.

I was brought back to reality when I hear soft snores coming from the man next to me. Jihoon fell asleep. He must've been really tired, working non-stop all week and then being forced into putting up with my silly ideas.

I get up from the couch, trying to be as silent as possible, and stop in front of him. I put my hand where I think his head would be. Luckily, I touch his fluffy hair. Without giving it a second thought, I lean over him and kiss his head, inhaling his strawberry scent.

"Goodnight, Jihoonie."

And like that, I walk out and away from his house.


	7. Don't Listen In Secret

Weeks passed with me not being able to meet Jihoon. He started working again to produce new songs and I had to take double shifts at both the dance studio as well as at the cafè I work at. They were depressing weeks. We barely talked over the phone or texted each other, and it made me so sad. I really got used to hearing his voice for hours on the phone or texting all night long until one of us fell asleep.

 

I was cleaning the tables at the café when I started wondering about Jihoonie. The rain pouring outside and a slow song playing from the speakers were adding to the melancholic feels.  _ Does he miss me? Does he think about me? _ Because I do. I miss the banters, how he provokes me, the fake annoyance in his tone, his laugh. I never thought you could miss a person this much. Maybe I'm being dramatic but when I don't hear from him, I can't help but miss him. Why? The answer is simple. I fell head over heels. I've fallen so hard and so deeply in love with him. I'm at the point where I don't care if he is my soulmate or not but I  _ do _ want to spend the rest of my life with him. Is it too soon? Maybe, but he makes me happy and that all it matters.

 

A thunder clap makes me snap out of my thoughts. I look outside the window of the cafè, rain falling even harder than before, as I clean another table. From the speakers, I can hear a song I know too well. "Don't Listen in Secret.” It's a song Jihoon composed just before they met. I heavily sigh as reality hits me.  _ Right, I almost forgot about that. He wrote this song for Daniel, the only person he really loved. _

 

**_“We’re getting farther apart_ **

**_Then I just need to catch you_ **

**_So you won’t get far_ **

**_That should be enough”_ **

 

I remember he told me he missed him so much, the storms of those days reminded him of their fights. Daniel became colder towards him everyday, leaving Jihoonie suffering and just wanting to get him back, to have his lover in his arms again.

 

**_"I know, I know_ **

**_But it’s not as easy_ **

**_As it sounds_ **

**_But after time passes_ **

**_Will I be able to forget everything?"_ **

 

It wasn't easy. They weren't fighting over little things anymore, like who had to wash the dishes, going to sleep early, studying instead of procrastinating. They were fighting because Daniel wanted to go to his soulmate but Jihoon was tying him down. It's not Jihoon's fault though. He never forced Daniel to stay, however, Daniel felt as if he couldn't leave Jihoon alone. It was like he was betraying his lover, his best friend. This was until Jihoon decided to break up with him and free him, even if it meant breaking his own heart into pieces. He was confident he could forget everything. Every word, every touch, every promise.

 

**_"I’m still, I’m still_ **

**_Waiting for you, I’m not even tired_ **

**_Although I’m getting scared"_ **

 

But he couldn't. He couldn't forget the hopes he had for their relationship, the faith he had that Daniel was indeed his soulmate. He couldn't forget the projects and plans they made for their future together.

 

As time passed, he still found himself waiting, hoping that he was wrong about Daniel finding his soulmate.

 

He’s now getting scared though because Daniel never looked back. He never contacted him to check if he was doing okay or not. It was as if he was the one who forgot everything about them and the time he promised to never part ways even if they weren't destined to be together.

 

**_"Still, I’m believing in time_ **

**_Because everyone says it’s medicine"_ **

 

At this point, he almost lost all hope. I say almost because now he only hopes for time to mend his broken heart and soul. “ _ With time, everything will fall into his right place. You just have to wait _ .” People said this to him all the time and he really wanted to believe they were right.

 

How? How can I compete with this kind of love? After all this time and all he had to go through, he still loved him in the same way as when they were together. Even if I try to win his heart, I can't replace Daniel. The ghost of his love will always haunt us. Even if I win his heart, I can't do this to Jihoon. There's no certainty about us being soulmates. What if we get together and end up the same way? I would not forgive myself for being so selfish and putting Jihoon through all this pain again, not now that he seems to be finally healing. He deserves to be happy, to smile again, to be together with someone who really loves and cherishes him. With someone who won't fall for his cold façade and will understand that he can be a softie if he wants to, he just needs to be comfortable enough around this person. The only person who can give all of this to him is his soulmate, not me. So I better keep my feelings for myself and be the best friend he could ask for. It's the least I can do for him even if it means seeing him with a person who's not me.

 

I snap back to reality. The bell on the door rings, meaning that someone has walked in. I turn towards the door but, I can't see anyone, just a yellow umbrella floating. I unconsciously smile, perfectly knowing who's the person who entered.

 

"Jihoonie?" I ask just to be sure.

"Wait, you can see me?" Confusion is audible from his voice.

"No, that's why I know it's you."

"Right."

"Why are you here?"

"Do you want me to leave?" He sarcastically replies.

"You know I didn't mean that!"

"Good, because you'll  _ never _ get rid of me." He says giggling then he abruptly stops. The weight of his words downing upon us.

"You want to always stay by my side? Do you like me that much, Jihoonie?"

"I don't like you, at all."

"But you've basically confessed that."

"I never said that I like you. I just said that you won't get rid of me because this is the closest cafè to my workplace so as long as I work there and you work here, we'll see each other. Well,  _ I _ will see you.”

" _ Ouch _ , that hurt. I was already going to scream to the whole neighbourhood that Lee Jihoon likes me! You crushed all my dreams."

"Idiot." He says while snickering. "However, I came here because I wanted to drink something that could warm me up."

"You could get something at the company, it's raining a lot and you can catch a cold if you’re not careful! Oh, right you said you wanted something warm. What can I bring to you? Coffee? Hot chocolate? Do you want something to eat too?" Here it is, the mother mode is on.

"Hot chocolate with a lot of whipped cream, please." God, he sounds like a child. How can he be this cute? "However, you don't need to worry. I have an umbrella and a scarf on moreover I wanted to stretch a bit. I've been locked in the studio for too long!"

"Working on another song for that singer you were talking about?" I say while taking the ingredients to make his chocolate.

"Actually, no. I've finished that song two days ago. I was working on something more personal."

"Personal? What do you mean?" I ask confused as I pour the chocolate in a paper cup.

"It's a special song for a special someone."

Is that someone who I am thinking about? I need to ask. "Is it for Daniel?"

"No, it's not." He says and I can hear the sadness in his tone.

"Sorry, didn't mean to bring him up in this conversation." I put as much whipped cream as possible in the cup as a way of asking for forgiveness, put the lid on it and then place the hot chocolate on the counter. "This is on me."

"You don't need to be sorry and thanks. I actually realized I forgot my wallet in the studio." The cup floats and Jihoon takes a sip. "Mmh… this is quite good. I have to admit it."

"Of course it’s good! I, Kwon Soonyoung, made it! There's all my love for you in that cup." I say trying to joke and make him smile, but I fail hiding the red that was forming on my cheeks as, in a way, I was telling the truth. "So, now will you tell me who that  _ special someone _ is?"

He grabs the cup from the counter, takes a sip of the hot chocolate and starts walking towards the door. He pushes it open but before he walks out he says " _ Soon _ you will know. By the way, the chocolate is really good."

Jihoon then opens his yellow umbrella, which resembled the sun, a contrast to this gloomy day, and starts walking away, leaving behind a Soonyoung with even more questions and fears than before.


	8. I'm Falling For Your Eyes (but they don't know me yet)

When Jihoon said soon, I didn't think he meant this soon.

It had only been two days since he came to the cafè. He didn't call or text me the next day and I was quite worried thinking that he overworked himself and had to go to the hospital because of that. Luckily, that wasn't the case.

It was six in the morning and I was on my way to the convenience store (yes, that's my third part-time job) when Jihoon called me.

"Hello?"

"Did I wake you up?" Jihoon says with the  _ softest _ voice. I can melt right here, right now.

"No, you didn't. I'm working today."

"Oh, right. I heard your husky voice and I thought you were still sleeping."

"It's because I'm not fully awake yet. Do you like when I talk  _ like this, huh? _ " I say lowering my tone even more.

"Stop it. You sound as if you've lost your voice."

"Okay, I'll stop." I giggle. "Why did you call? Did you miss me?"

"No. I called because I need you to come to my studio when you're free."

"That's basically saying that you want to see me because you  _ DID _ miss me."

"It's because of work. I need your opinion on a new song."

"Why me? I mean that Bumzu hyung you work with can be more helpful." I say while I open the door of the store and bow to the owner who's already dealing with a customer.

"He's being very biased with this song. He just keeps telling that it's really good."

"Do you think I won't do the same? You know how much I like your music." I go to the storage room and put my backpack there, then I take my apron and tie it while I keep the phone in between my ear and my shoulder.

"Yes, but you can also give impartial judgment. I know that if you don't like it or if something's off you would tell me. You've done it before."

"That's true. Well, after my shift at the convenience store, I'm free until 7 pm. Then I have to go to Jun's studio to help him with dance classes."

"That's good. I'll be at the studio all day. I'll wait here."

"Okay! By the way, I need to go. I'm already at the store. See you later, Jihoonie!"

He giggles. "As if!"

"It's a habit."

"I hope you will see me soon, Kwon."

 

**Jihoon’s POV**

 

After I hung up the phone call, I slide on my chair.  _ There's no going back now, Lee Jihoon. _ I need to control myself in order to not run away to another continent and change my name so that he won't find me. Well, I could hide in a closet and he wouldn't see me.

When I said over the phone that I wish he could see me soon, I was telling the truth. I want him to see me. I want him to see the blush on my cheeks whenever he says a pick-up line or when he calls me  _ Jihoonie  _ with that lovely voice. To see me blush when we're sitting side by side and he asks to hold my hand so he knows where I am. I want him to see how I look at him, how my eyes shine, how he's the  _ only one _ to me. We could be among thousands of people, but my eyes will always land on him and be  _ only for him _ . I want him to see how I smile at him when he talks about dancing, music, and all the things he likes. I could stay with him for hours or days just listening to him and his soothing voice.

Yes, I've fallen  _ hard _ for him. I can't explain why, when, or how it started but there's something about him that had me drowning in him. I kept wanting to stay with him more and more. He was the only one I could think all day long. He was the one I wished to see in my dreams. He was the muse of all the songs I've made these days.

They were right when they said time was the only medicine for a broken heart. Time passed and he walked into my life. He was the prince charming who found me and helped me escape from the castle of sadness I was locked in. It was this image of him as a prince that gave me the idea and the courage to do what I'm about to do.

In every fairytale, any kind of curse is broken with  _ a true love's kiss _ . What if it works the same way with us? What if a kiss will make him able to see me? I wanted to give it a shot, but I was afraid. Afraid he didn't like me back, so it would've been useless and would've just ruined our friendship.

This was until Jun basically told me he saw the way we looked at each other. He said we're being both oblivious but that Soonyoung is forgiven because he can't see me so he wouldn’t actually know. So I was the one that had to do something. I needed to do the first move and I'm about to do it.

It's three in the afternoon when someone knocks on the door of my studio.  _ He's here. Take a breath and don't fuck it up, Jihoon. _

 

**Soonyoung’s POV**

 

The door opens and as always, there's nobody behind it.

"You look good today, Jihoonie." I say while walking in.

"Liar. This is proof that you still can't see me. I look like shit as I didn't sleep last night." The door closes and the chair moves, so Jihoon is now sitting in front of the computer.

"That doesn't matter, you'll  _ always _ be pretty to me!"

"Still, that's because you haven’t seen me."

"My heart says so, accept it." I take off my jacket and sit on the couch.

"I wish you could see me rolling my eyes."

"Trust me, I can feel it." We both laugh. "Enough of banter, let me listen to this new masterpiece."

"I wouldn’t call it that but for now I'll just press play. Listen to it carefully, okay?"

"Yes, sir."

He turns towards the computer and clicks play. A soft melody starts filling the studio.

 

**_"For some reason, sometimes, suddenly_ **

**_I keep thinking these days_ **

**_How happy I am, how beautiful you are_ **

**_About us, who is second to none."_ **

 

It's a love song and Jihoon's voice is so soothing. You can tell that he means and feels every word he is singing. I know it's just a guide and that it’s going to be given to an idol group or a singer but to me it’s already perfect like this.

 

**_"If we ever become unhappy_ **

**_Some day_ **

**_If we become apart_ **

**_What do I do?_ **

**_Of course, that won’t happen_ **

**_I don’t even wanna think about this_ **

**_But sometimes I do_ **

**_I hope you don’t"_ **

 

My heart clenches. Is it this song about Daniel too? He's talking again about parting ways with the person he loves. Was Jihoon thinking about the moments spent with him, the moments when he was happy? Did he write this after the incident? I don't know and I don't want to know, I will only feel more hurt if I knew the truth.

 

**_"I can smile because we’re together_ **

**_I can cry because it’s you_ **

**_So what can’t I do?_ **

**_Whenever, wherever_ **

**_Even if we’re not together, just like always_ **

**_Our smile flowers bloom_ **

**_I’ll be the spring to your smile"_ **

 

He still  _ loves _ him. He still  _ thinks _ about him. I feel like crying but I can't. If Jihoon saw me crying, I would have to explain why and I can't. I feel like if I tell him the truth, it’ll ruin everything we've built together until now. I can't.  _ I can't lose him _ .

 

**_"I always_ **

**_Only receive from you_ **

**_So I’m so thankful and sorry_ **

**_To the point of tears_ **

**_I wanna hug you_ **

**_But I feel nervous for some reason_ **

**_Why am I hesitating?_ **

**_I don’t wanna be like this"_ **

 

I lower my head so he won't see the tears forming in my eyes. I need to be strong, I can't break now. I put myself in this situation, and I have to bear the consequences.

 

**_"Just like the sky is high and the wind is cold_ **

**_Like the ocean is wide and blue_ **

**_I’m afraid that_ **

**_I’ll take you for granted_ **

**_I think that’s why I’m being like this_ **

**_I’m nervous about that_ **

**_What if I lose you?_ **

**_I hope you don’t feel the same"_ **

 

Yes, I feel the same. I feel nervous about losing you that's why I need to step aside. I can't be anything else than a best friend to you. But you feel this way for Daniel, right?

 

**_"I can smile because we’re together_ **

**_I can cry because it’s you_ **

**_So what can’t I do?_ **

**_Don’t say it’s the end_ **

**_Forever_ **

**_Because I’ll stay by your side_ **

**_Whatever happens_ **

**_Just like always, we’ll be together"_ **

 

How I wish that was me. I would never say that it's the end, I would never let him be nervous about losing me. I would never leave his side, not even after death.

 

**_"I’ll be the spring to your smile."_ **

 

The melody fades away, now a deafening silence fills the room. I can't trust my voice enough to speak, so I wait for Jihoon to say something.

After what it seems like  _ hours _ , he speaks.

"So, what do you think?"

I clear my throat. "It's amazing, as always." I look at him and give the most sincere smile I can manage at the moment.

"That's all? Really?" His voice is shaking.

"What do you mean? It's a really good song that people will surely love."

"Wow. Jun said that you were  _ dense _ but I didn't think it was to  _ this extent. _ "

"I'm confused, Jihoonie."

There's silence again. The chair moves and I hear footsteps coming towards me. Jihoon takes my hand and squeezes it a little.

"It's a song for you, idiot."

I freeze for a moment. "I-is it really f-for me?"

"Yes. I was never good with words. I'm always awkward when I want to say something out loud but not when I write. I wanted to say what I feel, and so I thought that writing a song to you was the best way to confess." He says, tightening the grip on my hand.

"C-confession?" Did I hear that right? I need air. I might pass out.

"Yes.  _ I like you _ , Kwon."

I think about the song, the meaning of it completely changing as I now know that it was meant  _ for me _ . Jihoon is happy, and  _ I _ am the cause of it. He doesn't want to lose me. He wants to stay with me  _ forever _ . I wished for this so many times that I can't believe it's happening. I'm so happy that, without noticing it, I start crying.

"Why are you crying?" Jihoon says while wiping away the tears on my cheeks.

"Because I'm so happy. These days I felt like giving up to the idea of us being together. I believed you wouldn't like someone as ordinary as me, someone who  _ isn't your soulmate _ . I was afraid I couldn't say to you the words that I wanted to say. But now, I can.  _ I like you too _ , Jihoonie. I want to stay by your side for the rest of my life. I want to make you happy. I want to be the shoulder you can cry on when you're sad, the one you can rant to about your stressful day at work, the one you can talk about your fears and your dreams with. I want to be whatever you want me to be. I will really be the spring to your smile if you allow me to."

Jihoon doesn't say anything. I can hear him sobbing and his hand is trembling in mine. I get up and pull him towards me. I hold him  _ tight _ , afraid it was all a dream and that he will disappear when I wake up. He feels so right, here, in my arms as if they were made just for him. I keep hugging him, inhaling his scent, waiting for him to calm down.

"I like you  _ so much _ , Jihoonie."

"I like you  _ more _ , Kwon." Jihoon then grabs me by the collar of my hoodie and  _ kisses _ me. My heart was bursting with joy, it was as if it was freed from a very tight cage. My mind went blank, the only thing I could understand is that even if we're not meant to be, even if we're not bound to stay together, I won't let him go. I will keep holding him tight and treating him as if he were the most precious gem in this world. It’s the least I can do for a wonderful person like him. There's nothing I won't do for  _ my _ Jihoonie. Like that, I kiss him back.

Here we are, two broken people ready to leave their pasts behind and ready to be healed by the person now standing at their side. No, they won’t be fools anymore. They don’t have anything to be afraid of as they now have each other.


	9. The Forgotten Variable

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I edited this chapter by myself, so if you find mistakes is probably because of that!  
> It's the end guys, next there's the epilogue! Enjoy.

It's been five months since Jihoon and I started dating.

I know, you may be wondering if I'm able to see Jihoon now. He told me about his idea and I'm sad to say that no, it didn't work. Even after the kiss, he was still invisible. He was devastated because he thought he finally found the solution to our problem, but that wasn't the case. I told him not to worry about that because even if I can't see him, my love for him won’t change at all. 

I started loving him for his personality and his lovely laughter, not because of his looks. Even if I could’ve seen him from the start, I would’ve still loved him because he's my hardworking, funny, sweet, dependable, tsundere Jihoonie. He's all I could ask for as my partner.

However, dating has its difficulties because of this “problem”. We both knew that and we were somewhat prepared for this moment. 

  
We went on countless dates like almost all couples do. 

We went to the amusement park to take the most frightening rides just to have an excuse to hold hands and be glued to each other.

 

We went on the Ferris wheel to have the feel to be able to touch the sky, I remember I joked about eating the clouds because they looked like cotton candy and he laughed so hard when I whined about the fact that they wouldn’t fit my mouth. 

 

We went camping and laid on the soft grass to stargaze, something that neither of us had done before; it was so romantic being there with the person you love, with no one else around, feeling like you are the only people left in the world.

 

We stayed at home to watch all of our favourite films and animes while cuddling. If you ask me, they were the best dates. 

 

We even went to Busan to watch the sunset on the beach like Jihoon once said we should do.

 

Every moment, every memory is engraved in our minds, hearts and also in photos that Jihoon insisted to take and that he jealously keeps for himself. No one is allowed to touch his polaroids.

 

However, it’s not all sunshine and rainbows. 

For example, I can't kiss him first. I have to ask him every time but I'm always sure to do it in the most cutely annoying way, the one I know he likes. 

When I insist too much or when Jihoon is in his soft hours, he lets me hug him and hold his hands as much as I want. 

 

I can't see his smile, but I can hear it in his voice. 

I can't see how he looks at some breathtaking views, but he makes sure to express what he feels while looking at them.

 

We somewhat complement each other: he completes me where I'm missing some parts.

That's why I'm confident about us. We will work that out and, in the meantime, we'll still try to figure out a way to overcome this obstacle.

 

 

 

***

 

 

 

 

Today I was working at Jun's studio and my shift had just ended. 

As I walk out of the studio, it starts raining. I don't have an umbrella with me but that's fine. I'm on my way home and I just need to stop for a while to buy some food.

Jihoon is coming tonight and he said he wanted to eat chimaek so I'm going to buy it and then do a hot shower while I wait for him.

 

 

I was walking with the bag of chicken in my hand, headphones on my head listening and humming along to the new song I have to teach to the boys at the studio, when I realise how this scene is like a _déjà-vu_. 

_ The rain, the bag of food, me without an umbrella.  _

I smile and I see some people looking at me as if I've gone crazy but who cares. 

Today is like the day I've met Jihoonie. 

 

I can't believe almost a year has gone by. 

It seems like yesterday that he came to be a huge part of my life and that's all because of fate.

 

Yes, my life was ruled by three big principles: fate, love and faith.

 

_**Fate**. _ I used to think that fate could only bring us bad things, but, with Jihoonie, things have changed. 

Of course, fate always plays by its rules and they can be cruel ones too. However, it can also bring joy and let you meet people that youìll eventually cherish and love. 

Jihoonie and I are an example: everything started with us bumping into each other on a rainy day like this. He even flipped me off in the middle of the street! But we immediately clicked and, month after month, we grew closer. 

_ We came to be lovers. _

 

 

**_Love._ ** We've always thought that in a world ruled by the superior law of soulmates, love couldn't exist for two people who were not born for each other. 

However, when we are together, we defy any kind of law and logic. _Our love is that strong._

We may not have said the three words yet, but who cares. We know we do and that's all that matters.

 

 

**_Faith._ ** _We believe in us and our love._ Thanks to it we've been and we'll be able to overcome all sort of things. 

We believe in a future where _we can fulfil our dreams together._

We've decided to open an agency of our own so that Jihoon can compose songs and I can be a choreographer. 

It wasn't an ambitious dream but the idea of being together was enough for us.

 

 

**_Fate, again_ ** **.** We've made promises and projects but we didn't put fate in our equation for a happy ever after. 

 

We forgot for a while how it can be numb and brutal towards people like us. 

 

_ We didn't know we were about to pay for being this clueless. _

 

 

 

 

 

 

I was almost at home when I noticed there were a lot of people crowded in the middle of the street. 

There must've been a collision, a recent one since I see people keep coming towards here. 

It's quite common in rainy days seeing two cars bumping or other kinds of minor incidents, so _why do I feel so uneasy about this one?_

 

 

I pull off my headphones, fear starts growing inside me as I keep getting closer. 

 

People scream, calling for help and for an ambulance. 

 

This might be more serious than I thought to be. 

 

 

As I reach the crowd, I'm already shaking. 

 

There are too many people.

 

I can't squeeze through them to see what happened so I decided to ask the man standing beside me. 

 

He looked _so shocked_.

 

 

"Excuse me, sir. What happened?" Fear is now evident in my eyes.

 

"I-I don't know. There was a y-young man on the other s-side of the s-street and h-he was yelling s-someone's name. He d-didn't notice t-that the traffic light already turned r-red and started crossing the street. T-the car tried to s-slow down but it was too l-late. I blinked and the guy was a-already laying there almost senseless, _still calling for that name_."

 

I'm shaking even more at this point. 

 

My mind quickly went to Jihoon. 

 

"Do you know whose name he was calling for?" I ask, not sure if I wanted to hear his answer.  


 

"It was s-something like Suyeon? Soonyoun? Ah, right _Soonyoung_."

 

 

The exact moment my name leaves the man's lips, I feel my heart stopping, tears forming in my eyes.

 

N-no it can't be. There are a lot of people that have the same name as me, right? 

Maybe the man heard it wrong.

 

I go pale and start crying to the point that the man shakes me asking "Are you okay, boy?"

 

I don't answer the man and brush his arm off of me.

_Jihoonie._

I have to see if it really is him. 

 

I try to squeeze myself among that crowd, pushing people to the side and not caring if they curse at me. 

I can only go forward repeating the same sentence:

 

_"Please, don't be Jihoon."_

 

However, when I arrive at the front, my fears become real. 

I start crying, even more, falling on my knees. 

There's nothing on the street, _nothing but a yellow umbrella_. 

 

_It's him._

_ Why? Why him? Why not me?  _

 

Suddenly blood starts forming on the part of the street where Jihoon was laying.

 

"S-soonyoung, it's you?" a whisper that maybe no one but me heard.

 

I drag my body to the point where the blood is, trying to grab his hand. "Yes, it's me, Jihoonie."

 

"Hi" from his voice, he is _smiling_.

 

"Don't smile, you idiot. Why did you do that?"

 

"I saw you walking in the rain. You didn't have your umbrella. I wanted to call you to say to wait for me so we could go together to your house. I didn't want you to catch a cold." He starts coughing and _holds my hand tighter_. "I'm afraid I am the one getting ill."

 

"I'm sorry. I'm sorry for being an irresponsible who can't even remember to bring an umbrella with me, I'm sorry because I couldn't see you." I lower my head, bawling my eyes out.  


 

"Don't be sorry. It was my fault. I knew you couldn't see me but I acted recklessly. I just thought of coming to you." Jihoon starts _shivering_ , his hands trembling. "Kwon, I'm cold. _C-can you hold me?_ "

 

I grab Jihoon's body, pulling it closer to me. "Jihoonie, please, whatever happens, _don't_ close your eyes. The ambulance is coming and _you need to stay with me_." 

I'm panicking. 

 

Jihoon can't die, not now that we were so happy.

 

Not now that we were starting a new life together.

 

"Please, look at me. Talk to me, uh?"

 

"I-I'm sorry, I'm so cold and tired." His voice is getting _weaker_.

 

"No, no, stay with me. What if I told you I can see you? We waited so long for this, you can't go now. You're so beautiful with your black hair like that." 

 

I lie.

 

_ I need to so he won't go away. _

 

"You can't see me.” He laughs, bitterly. “I've got my hair dyed blond this morning." His grab on my hand _loosening_.

 

" _Jihoonie, I-I love you_. I should've said it sooner but I will make up to this. I will tell you I love you every day from now on but please, just please, don't leave me, keep fighting."

 

"I'm sorry, don't blame you for this." Jihoon says, his entire body relaxing in my hold. " _I love you too_ , Kwon, and I will _always_ do."

 

 

 

Like that, _Jihoon exhales his last breath_.

 

 

 

 

Suddenly, Jihoon's figure starts getting visible.

Now I can see him. 

His fair skin, his blond hair, his _peaceful_ face. 

Why? Is fate really mocking me? 

WHY OF ALL TIMES, NOW?

"No, no, no, no, no!" 

 

I scream and keep crying, grabbing his little body tighter and brushing his hair.

 

"Jihoonie, come back. I can really see you now, I swear I can. You're so beautiful. You may hit me but I have to say it, you look like a _pretty fairy_ and I like it. You even have dimples. See? I can see them now so I'm not lying." 

 

_Nothing_ , he doesn't move nor replies.

 

"Jihoon, please. If you really have to go, at least take me with you. We promised to be next to each other forever." 

 

I embrace him and kiss his forehead, mourning my lost loved one.

 

 

 

 

 

The rain kept pouring, washing away my tears together with Jihoon's blood. 

 

It was the _first_ time I saw him, his beautiful face, the face of the man I love with all of myself.

 

Sadly, that was also the _last_ time. 

 

I won't ever know how his smiles and laughs brightened his face, showing his little dimples at the sides of his beautiful lips.

 

Lips that I won't be able to kiss again. 

 

I won't ever see his eyes, those eyes that everyone described as full of love and sparkling whenever we were together. 

 

_ I won't ever see him again, period.  _

 

All the things we feared became truth in a matter of seconds but we couldn't do anything about that. 

 

 

 

 

As I've said many times before, fate really is a cruel one.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I feel like a bad person for writing enjoy in the notes at the beginning. I'm a horrible person because of this entire chapter. I know you may hate me now...I even hated myself while writing it. If you curse, yell and have the desire to punch me in the face, you have all the rights to do that. You can do that on my Twitter @Yleisnotonfire1  
> There's only the epilogue left, so please, bear with me and my angst ass for just another chapter.


	10. I'll be the spring to your smile.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I edited this chapter by myself, so if you find mistakes is probably because of that!
> 
> I don't know to what extent I can say to enjoys this considering what happened in the last chapter. 
> 
> It was a hell of a trip. 
> 
> Thank you for sticking with me, reading this till the end and supporting it.  
> It really means a lot to me as it's the first chaptered fic I've done here. 
> 
> I love you all!!! <3<3<3<3

**_"Though I try to get you out of my head_ **

**_The truth is I got lost without you_ **

**_And since then I've been waking up to_ **

**_Only half a blue sky_ **

**_Kinda there but not quite_ **

**_I'm walking around with just one shoe_ **

**_I'm half a heart without you_ **

**_I'm half a man at best_ **

**_With half an arrow in my chest_ **

**_I miss everything we do_ **

**_I'm half a heart without you"_ **

  
  
  
  
  


Two years have gone by since that day. 

 

The first months without him were pure suffering.

 

I missed him so much, missed the things we did together.   
Our long night walks under the moonlight, talking about the little things that happened during the day or talking about the days when we were free because we were just little children.    
We wished we could meet during our best days, when we were able to enjoy the things in life and we weren’t left heartbroken by this damn soulmates thing. 

 

I'll miss the things we didn't get to do.    
Waking up in the morning and walking into the kitchen to see him cooking.    
Giving him a back hug and giving him a little peck on the top of his head.    
Doing groceries shopping and all that domestic stuff. 

 

Most of all I'll regret not being able to wake up with him wrapped up in my arms and our legs intertwined.

  
  
  
  


After that day, I really thought I couldn't and I shouldn't live anymore. I didn’t deserve it.

  
  


I was  _ broken _ , again. 

  
  


I was a half of everything,  _ unable to feel complete _ . 

  
  


It's like when youìre playing with a puzzle. You’re happy that it looks beautiful as it is almost finished.    
Then, you suddenly lose the last piece, the most important one.   
No matter how hard you look for it, you won't ever find it again. 

 

We were like that puzzle and, now, he is the missing piece that cannot be brought back to me.

  
  
  


I cried myself to sleep every night.   
I dropped all my jobs.   
I barely ate and drank.    
I even stopped dancing. 

 

I was  _ wrecked _ , for real.

 

Sometimes I felt like I was left behind,  _ abandoned _ .   
Some other times I felt like it was all a dream. As if he never existed.

 

However, to prove I was wrong and to rub salt on my wounds, there were our photos.

Yes, the ones he treasured so much.    
  


He was smiling, blushing, looking at me with those lovely eyes.    
  
Not to be biased but we looked so good together.    
We really were a match made in Heaven. 

  
We were so happy, but I was left all alone to deal with a kind of pain that even time cannot heal.

  
  
  
  


I was  _ about _ to give up.

  
  
  


  
However, one day I woke up thinking that I needed to get myself together.   
I needed to find the reason why I was able to see him only at the moment he died.    
I needed to know if something like this had already happened in the past   
I needed to leave a written testament in case someone would end up experiencing it.    
They have to know so they won't waste any time and don’t end up like us.   
  


People don't need to suffer like I am doing now.    
  


At least them need to be happy doing all the thing they want to do with the person they love.

  
  
  
  
  
  


It took me a year and a half, countless sleepless nights and cups of coffee, an indefinite number of hours spent in every library of the country but in the end, I  _ found _ it.

  
  
  
  


It happened about 50 years ago to a boy and a girl about our age.    
It was believed to be just a legend but, as if it happened to me too, I was willing to take it as the truth.

  
  


«A boy loved a girl who wasn't supposed to be his soulmate and that ended up breaking his heart. 

 

The boy was so wounded that he stopped believing in love. 

 

He closed himself up, pushing away all the people that claimed to love him: his family, his friends, even his pets. 

 

He lost all hope of happiness and lived a reckless life hooking up with people, drinking as much as he could just to forget the scar left by that girl. 

 

One day, he was in a cafè when a girl accidentally sat on his lap. 

 

She got so flustered and confused because she thought the seat was free as she saw that nobody was there. 

 

Since then, the two started to meet often like that in the café. 

 

In the end, they decided to be friends and get to know each other. 

  
  
  


Little by little, they grew fond of each other. 

 

The boy started to love again and he never felt better in his life.

After a year spent like this, unable to be seen by the girl he liked, he decided to confess. 

She accepted it and an "I love you" slipped from her mouth. 

 

She was so shocked at first, thinking that she was going too fast but the boy said she loved her too. 

 

After she had said those three words, the girl was finally able to see the boy. 

 

They later found out that the boy had a curse on him. 

 

Since he pushed everyone who cared about him, he needed to be punished:  _ when he would've met his soulmate, this one wouldn't be able to see him until he learned to love again. _ » 

  
  
  


Only an "I love you" coming from the depths of his heart could break the curse.

  
  
  


I was so shocked when I read it the first time. 

  
It was striking how this story had so many things in common with our story.    
He was broken by his ex, claimed he never loved someone in the same way.    
Then we met, we grew closer and got together.    
He was invisible all this time and the time I could finally see him was when he, before dying, said he loved me.

 

Only God knows how, at that moment, I wish we knew before.

  
  


The next days were spent at home, writing down my story so that no one could repeat the same mistake, so that it wouldn't be seen as a legend anymore. 

 

I wrote every detail, attached photos and texts so that people would believe  _ we really existed _ . 

 

I hoped it never happened again, that nobody in the world would feel this kind of pain of losing the  _ only _ string that tied you to this very existence.

  
  
  
  


It took more or less a month to put everything together.

 

As soon as I finished writing our story, I pressed the send button and sent the file to Wonwoo. 

 

_ A sense of freedom and peace pervaded me. _

 

I could trust Wonwoo. He was a famous editor and I knew he could flawlessly take care of the matter. 

He was also the one who told me of the existence of this legend. 

Again, I regret not having asked for help before.

  
  
  
  
  


The following days, however, were  _ more depressing _ than before.

  
  
  
  
  
  
  


Today, I went out to get some fresh air as I felt suffocated by the four walls of my house. 

 

I don't know where I am going.   
My feet and body are moving on their own.    
  


I have my headphones on.

 

I don't want to listen to anything but the voice of the one I love. 

  
  


Recently, I went to his studio and asked for all his flash drives with the guides to the songs he produced. 

  
  


His voice is the only thing that can  _ sedate _ the pain, that can partly fill the  _ void _ left by his absence.

  
  
  
  


I arrive at the Han River when  _ that _ song starts playing. 

  
  


It was  _ my _ song,  _ our _ song.

 

The one he composed to confess his feelings for me. 

  
  
  


I stop on the bridge over the river, looking at the water beneath me. 

 

The words of that song, changing meaning for the third time since I’ve first heard it.

 

**_"If we become apart_ **

**_What do I do?"_ **

  
  
  


What should I do now that I am alone? 

 

There's nothing to do here.

 

I even found out the truth and on one hand, I am relieved I did but at the same time, I wish I didn't. 

 

This discovery only made me feel worse as the story weighted down on me. 

 

_ We were soulmates _ , we were meant to be. 

 

That's why our body fitted so well, why our personalities were the opposite but we still got along well, why at some point  _ our hearts started beating at the same rhythm _ .

  
  
  
  
  


**_"Just like the sky is high and the wind is cold_ **

**_Like the ocean is wide and blue_ **

**_I’m afraid that_ **

**_I’ll take you for granted_ **

**_I think that’s why I’m being like this_ **

**_I’m nervous about that"_ **

  
  


We were always caught in our insecurities. 

 

Our worst fear was that we would've ended up being so sure that the other was going to be by our side, that we wouldn't notice if something was off or if he didn't feel the same way as before. 

 

We were so afraid of losing each other that we didn't notice that the flower Jeonghan talked about had already bloomed inside us. 

 

However, there wasn’t just one flower. 

 

Two different flowers bloomed and  _ intertwined _ their stems as they grew up,  _ together _ .

 

They were there to prove that our love was there, it was  _ real _ and that  _ transcended _ everything in this universe. 

 

_ Our _ was a kind of love that could fight and win against any law of nature.

  
  
  


**_"So what can’t I do?_ **

**_Don’t say it’s the end_ **

**_Forever_ **

**_Because I’ll stay by your side"_ **

  
  
  


It is at this point that something clicks in my mind. 

 

The words my mother always said to me when I was a little boy. 

 

I used to ask her what love is in this world. 

 

_ 'The love between soulmates goes beyond the concept of life.  _ __  
_ As we die and born again, we're bound to love the same person. _ __  
_ You may change your aspect, your character but your heart won't change.  _ __  
_ So, in every past and future life, your soulmate is the one who is by your side. _ _  
_ __ No matter what, they are the people who tie us to this world.'

  
  
  


**_"Whatever happens_ **

**_Just like always, we’ll be together"_ **

  
  
  


That's right.

 

I may have lost him in now but I'll meet him again soon, in our next life.

 

When I say soon, I mean it.

 

I have no reason to be here anymore, no reason to go on. 

 

I did everything I had to and my lover is waiting for me, on the other side.

  
  
  


I smile as I climb over the bridge. 

 

_ I'm about to see him again _ .

 

It's finally time to find peace by reaching him and, even if it will take years, staying by his side.

  
  
  
  
  
  


I look at the water beneath me and take a deep breath. 

  
  
  


_ 'Mom, guys, I'm so sorry but I need to do it.  _ __  
_ Please understand me.  _ __  
_ I know I should've been stronger and kept living but I want to be happy again and it can only happen if I'm with him. _ __  
_ Don't hate yourselves or me, just please...understand me. _ _  
_ __ Goodbye, I love you.' 

  
  
  
  
  
  


Like that, I  _ jump _ . 

  
  
  


I keep falling but  _ I'm not afraid _ . 

  
  
  


Why should I be when I know that  _ I'm going to meet the love of my life _ ?

  
  
  


I meet the water head first. 

  
  


It's cold but  _ it doesn't matter _ .

  
  


The image of him, smiling before my eyes, warms me in the way only he was capable of. 

  
  
  


Little by little, the air leaves my lungs and gets replaced by water. 

  
  
  


It hurts and I feel lightheaded but  _ it doesn't matter _ .

  
  
  


_ I'm a step closer to him. _

  
  
  


After a while, I close my eyes. 

  
  
  


I can see him, laughing and saying to come to him.

  
  
  


I run towards him and take him in my arms,  _ holding him tightly _ . 

  
  


**_"Don’t say it’s the end_ **

**_Forever_ **

**_Whatever happens, just like always_ **

**_Our smile flowers will bloom_ **

**_Whenever, wherever_ **

**_Even if we’re not together, just like always_ **

**_Our smile flowers bloom."_ **

  
  
  


'I'm finally home,  **_Jihoonie_ ** .    
I always loved you and always will.   
It's a promise I made and I will keep it forever.    
No matter what  
**_I’ll be the spring to your smile."_ **

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Aaaaaand I'm terribly sorry. 
> 
> I cried while writing it a month and a half ago and I cried again now while editing it. 
> 
> I swear I won't write angst for a reaaally long time. 
> 
> If you want to cheer yourself up, you can check this story here ---> [**Memories of a Summer Trip by Lee Jihoon.**](https://archiveofourown.org/works/15676479)  
>  It's a cute chaptered fic that will surely make you smile after all of this angst.
> 
> Again, thank you so much for reading it and going through this pain with me. I really, really love you all <3<3

**Author's Note:**

> If you enjoyed it, you disliked it or you want to share your thoughts please leave a comment or scream at me on Twitter (@Yleisnotonfire1).  
> I will be so happy to know what you think about this fic so I can improve and become a better writer!


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